Open your eyes (Part 1)

The rain trickled down the windows, and the drops placed themselves at the bottom of the window frame. People drove by in their cars, and children on their bikes hurried to find shelter so they would not get soaked.

Anette sighed and curled up in the sofa she was sitting in.

It was almost six o’clock in the evening and soon time for dinner. Anette looked out of the window one more time, but she still could not spot the white Volvo that belonged to her mother. With a slight frown, she rose from the sofa and started walking down the hallway to where the kitchen was located.

Well in the kitchen, Anette hummed to herself while she gathered all the things she needed to prepare a dinner for herself.

While the macaroni’s were boiling, she set the table and later opened the cupboard where the spices and sauces were stored.  She browsed through them all, and the one with barbeque seasoning caught her eye.

Soon she sat down and started eating.

Anette looked at the three empty seats around her. About a year ago, her sister kept her company and complained about how empty the house had become since their brother had moved out. But now, she too was gone.

Anette managed to gulp down the last of the food on her plate. She rose from her chair and put away the dishes in the sink.

After deciding that she would clean it later, Anette grabbed her homework from her bag in the hallway and went to her room. There, she sat down by her writing desk and started reading.

After a while, she heard a car coming up the driveway.

A key turned in the lock and quickly opened the door.

“Hello sweetie, sorry that I’m late but the…”

Anette had already stopped listening. She did not want to hear another bad excuse. 

She heard her mother making herself some dinner and later sat down in the living room and turned on the TV. Anette yawned and stretched her arms up towards the ceiling. A sudden flash of pain in her lower back made her grit her teeth. She sighed and closed the book she had been reading.

“It’s the same thing almost every day, why won’t they stop?”

As usual, she would not get an answer from the voices inhabiting her mind.

Anette rose from her chair, looked at the clock and became slightly disappointed when she saw that it was only nine o’clock.

Worried about the pain in her back, she opened her wardrobe and pulled out her pajamas. Anette undressed in front of her mirror and uncovered a big bruise on her back, just above the hip area.

Not even a gasp escaped her lungs.

After putting on her pajamas, she curled up under the quilt and buried her head in the pillow on her bed. She fell into an uneasy sleep while the tears dried on the white fabric.

Anette opened her eyes and felt how her stomach cramped up.

“Wednesday, it’s still only Wednesday”

She forced herself up from the bed and went into the bathroom to have a quick shower.      

Back in the room, Anette opened her wardrobe. When her eyes fell on the various clothes she got there, her heart started to race. Familiar voices started to appear. Anette did not want to listen to them, but they were too powerful for her to handle.

“It doesn’t matter what I chose, they will always find something wrong with it.”

Most of the clothes she owned were homemade. Maivor, Anette’s mother, had placed the sowing machine in her brothers and sisters old bedroom. Whenever Anette wanted a new sweater, a jacket, a blouse or a knitted cardigan, her mother would often buy the materials she needed during a Friday evening, and then sit and make the clothes during the weekend.

One of the new items in Anette’s wardrobe was a knitted, turquoise cardigan. Her mother had been so proud when she had shown it to Anette.

With that memory in mind, Anette put on the cardigan and picked a skinny pair of worn down jeans to match.

Anette then picked up a comb and started to backcomb her short, blonde hair. When it stood up at every direction, she picked up her homework and went to the kitchen to get some breakfast.

When Anette saw her mother, sitting at the table and reading the newspaper, she immediately put a smile on her face. She did not want to burden her mother with her worries, and managed to push away the voices. At least for a while.

Maivor looked up from what she was reading and smiled at her daughter.

“Good morning sweetie! I put some bread in the toaster for you.”

“Oh, thank you”

After putting some butter on her toast and getting some milk from the refrigerator, she sat down opposite of her mother. Maivor started asking what Anette was going to do in school today.

“I have a test in my Swedish class.”

“So… have you been studying hard?”

“Yes, I did. And I only stopped when you got home, late as usual.”

Maivor frowned.

“I had to work overtime, and then the guys called and wanted me to rehearse some songs we’re going to perform this weekend”

Anette felt slightly hurt when her mother often chose to put her dance-band carrier before her own daughter. And if Anette asked her mother about maybe skipping some shows, she gave her the “I have to do this or else you would not get food on the table” speech.

But Maivor loved to sing, just like Anette did. They agreed on that life was not worth living if they were not allowed to sing.

After the breakfast, Anette packed her bag and put on her yellow Converse shoes. She said goodbye to her mother and started walking towards the school.  

Anette tried to smile and breathed in the late summer air. But storm clouds were gathering in the horizon.

Anette saw their faces in front of her. How they laughed and pointed at her. The bruise on her back started to burn and reminded her once again that she was nothing.